Another Year has come and gone!

My 32 Birthday

Another year older and wiser too! Well.... Hopefully wiser.

This year my birthday landed on a Tuesday. The weekend before my birthday we spent it in Cardston at the Provincial Basketball games. My Uncle Dallen was the coach of the senior boys team. Cardston boys had not won 4A provincial basketball in 30 years. Well... The record was broken and they came away with the win. I was so proud of my Uncle and his team. He is a great coach. He was my assist coach in my Grade 12 year of basketball.The game was neck and neck the whole game and it was so exciting when they won. We had dinner at my Aunt Stacey with Mel, Troy and of course lots of cousins. Cherisse made a couple desserts for my birthday. They both were so yummy as usual.

On my birthday Jason made me breakfast in bed. Awwww.... how did I get so lucky? He makes me feel so special and loved. For dinner Troy and Andrea, Ryan and Sam and Jason and I went out to eat at Earls. So delicious!

Jason's mom sent me multiple gifts in the mail to help spoil me on my birthday. Some of the gifts she sent were gift cards to Winner and Best Buy - which I spent right away. Jason and parents got me the cutest camera bag. I got  a Kelly Moore camera bag/purse and it is absolutely gorgeous. I have wanted one for a long time now but couldn't justify spending that kind of money but with Jason and my parents it was worth it :)
I got many phone calls from friends and family. Thank you everyone for making my day special. No pictures …. how did I let that happen. Better luck next year.

Trials that make us stonger

Its been over a week now and I can finally look at a computer screen and write my thoughts down.

Sunday Feb19th was a day that I will never forget. It was a beautiful Sunday morning and Jason had already gone to Bishopric meetings a few hours earlier. While getting ready for church I was in the shower and suddenly fainted. When I came to my first initial thought was " Well, that was weird, why did I fall and how did I sandwich myself between the one foot gap from the shower seat and wall of the shower.

My adrenaline must have been pumping because I quickly got up and then realized there was something seriously wrong with me. I got myself back to my bed and called Jason. By the time he got home he told me I was not pale or blue but I was a greyish color. He tried to get me to the bathroom as I was bleeding but I was very weak. As I sat on the toilet not really knowing where I was or what was going on Jason kept trying to keep me awake. He left the room to get his phone to dial 911 and when he came back I was on the floor passed out again. He got me back to the bed and by then I could hear the sirens of the ambulance getting closer.

Before I knew it I was in the back of an ambulance being rushed to the hospital. Upon arriving at the hospital I saw many nurses and a few doctors. From then on it was all a waiting game. I waited for an ultrasound but in my heart I knew exactly what was going on.

One week prior to this incident I was about 9 weeks pregnant. I had gone and spent the whole day in the ER because I was having heavy bleeding. I had blood tests, internal/external ultrasound. The specialist on call that day told me that the ultrasound showed a sign of something inside my fallopian tube but it was inconclusive. It could either be one of two things.

1) It could be a cyst and I had already lost the baby with a miscarriage and the cyst which would just go away.

2) I had an ectopic pregnancy or other wise know as a tubal pregnancy which could be very dangerous if the fetus was to erupt in the tube and cause internal bleeding

The doctor on call advised me to have a shot of Methrotrexate - which would help flush the deceased fetus out of the tube as I did not have a viable pregnancy. This shot suppose to be 98% accurate. It was an emotional day. All Jason and I have ever wanted was to have a baby. We had been trying to get pregnant for 2 years and were ready to start our family. Upon leaving the hospital that night I was still in tears but also knew and felt the love of my Heavenly Father. So many people sent flowers, gifts, dinners, notes and thoughtful messages to our family. I then realized how many blessings surrounded Jason and I. For the rest of that week I was feeling better emotionally and physically and then came Sunday morning...

As I was rushed for another ultrasound that Sunday morning I knew in my heart what was happening. I knew that a week ago, when I had the methotrexate shot that there still was a 2% chance of it not working.  The ultrasound started and the x-ray tech gave me the answer through her eyes. At that moment I knew something was seriously wrong. The results were that the fetus was still in the tube and had now erupted causing internal bleeding. The ultrasound didn't last very long as she knew of the severity right away. She didn't waste much time and frantically wheeled me back to the ER.

The OBGYN that was on call that Sunday morning was already in another surgery so they had to call in another specialist, Dr. Adolph. As I laid in the ER room for 3 hours after the ultrasound I knew my stomach was filling up with blood I was terrified. I knew I was having surgery and I was fine with that but all I wanted was for someone to open me up and stop the bleeding. Jason was there every step of the way. Troy left church and came to help give me a Priesthood blessing. I felt peace and comfort that things were going to be okay. As I laid in that bed so many thoughts ran through my mind. My Mom/Dad and Melanie were so far away(California), how would they react? Where were all my friends and family and do they know how much I love them? How have I lived my life up to this point? Have I done enough? Have I served enough and have I loved enough? I felt like I was going to be okay but there were times of "what ifs".

Jason had been on the phone and sent text messages to friends and family of the situation. I kept asking Jason if people were praying for me. As I entered the surgery doors I kissed Jason and was wheeled into the room. The only thing I remember the anesthesiologist telling me is that there was a possibility he could chip my front teeth. At that moment I didn't care about bleeding and I just didn't want him to wreck my teeth. Silly I know :)

It wasn't long before I was waking up in the recovery room. The surgery went good but they had to remove one of my fallopian tubes and I had lost a lot of blood. Just under 2 liters. They gave me the option of a blood transfusion but I opted not to have one. I was then wheeled to my room and the only thing I remember was Jason, Ry and Troy standing in the hallway and touching my hand as I went by. I don't remember seeing their faces but I just could see their silhouettes standing there and I remember Ryan saying, Hey Carmy :) At that moment I knew I was going to be okay since I had so much love and support of my family. Jason's mom came down that night and so many other friends and family were there that night and over the next couple days. As soon as my mom heard I was going in for surgery she was on the next plane ride home from her mission in California.  She got to the hospital at around 1am. It was so good to see her. Melanie who was visiting my parents in California traveled home with my dad that very next day. Lisa and Ron were in Calgary and would be down for that next weekend. I truly felt the love of my Father in Heaven with all the love and support of my friends and family. 

 Here is a picture of my sweet husband staying the night at the hospital. Doesn't he look comfy?

Nobody would take a picture of me so I did it myself the next morning. Wow! I look perrrrdy!

Everyday I am feeling a little bit stronger. I try and keep a positive attitude about everything. I have NO doubt in my mind that I have a Father in Heaven that loves me and cares for me. I have felt that through many prayers and by those around me. I am so grateful to have the gospel in my life to get me through times like these. I know we all go through our own individual trials and they come no matter how righteous we are living but I do know that we are made stronger because of our trials and I have already felt that in my own life. I see things more clearly of the eternal plan and I have seen the love of my Saviour through so many different people. As I woke up this morning and had time to think and reflect I am so thankful for every single blessing in my life. My incredible parents who have shown me how to be a true example of Jesus Christ, my brother & sisters who truly are my best friends. My extended family who love and care for me like their own sister or daughter. Jason's family who have always treated me like one of their own and caring for us. My wonderful girls in YW's and friends from far and near who brought food, cards, flowers, phone calls and who knew just what to say. I am grateful for the roof over our head, food on our table and the freedom that we enjoy.  I am grateful for my sweet husband who was there by my side and for his love and concern. Through this process it has made us even closer and there are no words to express how grateful I am to have met him and have him in my life. He brings me so much joy and can not imagine my life with anyone else. I waited a long time to find him and some may think of that as a trial but in the end the Lord knew exactly who I was to marry and that so called trial turned into the greatest blessing.

My mother sent me this quote from Elder Scott which I love and it has really made me reflect on how to live my life.

"Just when all seems to be going right,challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain."

I love my Savior with all my heart and I know he has a plan and purpose for me. I can not imagine my life not knowing that my Savior died for me and that through him anything is possible.
Jason and I are doing great. Once I am feeling strong and healthy again we will keep trying to be parents. I still have one fallopian tube so the doctors have a positive attitude that we will be able to get pregnant again. As things get though in life I hope to always remember where and who I was and now who I have become because of the growth through this trial.