From the time you were a little girl and holding little dollies in your arms, you always think of yourself being a mother. You think about what names you will name your children and even start a name journal for your future children. And then you get pregnant and you can't believe this is really happening. Different thoughts and emotions run through your head. Will I be a good mom? Will I teach them enough? Will I teach them to love others and serve like their Grandparents serve.
You think of how your children would look, would they enjoy sports or will they take up music or dance? So many questions and so many curiosities. All I would care about is that they know their mom and dad loved them and that they were kind and thought of others before themselves.
I am sure all parents go through these emotions when they find out they are pregnant. Well for the short 8 weeks of being pregnant I felt those feelings and thought those thoughts. After losing the baby and going through surgery I was just grateful to be alive and well. We had high hopes of getting pregnant again but now that a year went by and still no luck with another pregnancy. We then decided to be referred to Calgary to the fertility clinic there. We went up to Calgary yesterday and went into the appointment that day feeling good and positive about the process and excited to get things going with the next step.
Well we received some sad news. They didn't give us much hope. Our hopes and dreams of getting pregnant were dashed. There were a couple issues with our test results. To not go into a lot of details but we knew at that moment that they chances of having children was very slim. She said because of both of our conditions that we would be under a 5% chance of having children with IUI or IVF.
At that moment I thought it was all a dream and that there must be some mistake. How can this be? This is what I am suppose to do in life. I am suppose to be a mom. How could this be taken away from me? So many questions ran through my head that I couldn't answer. They only thing I could really concentrate on was that I had Jason by my side and that I had so many friends and family that loved me and so many that have felt my pain and sorrow.
As we drove home that night we did a lot of talking and wondering were to go from here. Should go ahead and try IVF even though the percentage is still low? Should we adopt? Should we continue to try on our own?
The conclusion we came to was that we loved each other and that we can get through anything together. We knew that our Heavenly Father was mindful of us and that we could get through this trial.
Here are some of the pictures throughout the day.
The next day Cherisse was so thoughtful and brought us dinner. We were still pretty sad about things so it was so nice of Cherisse to think of us. We stayed in that night and spent time with each other.
One thing I know for sure is that I LOVE MY HUSBAND!
Ryan and Sam bought us flowers to cheer us up as well. So many people called and stopped by to give us support. It was shocking news but I know that we can get through anything with our Saviour by our side. Life is full of trials and tough times. Everyone deals with different trails and some more than others but its how we handle our trials is what determines our character. Today might not be the day but eventually I will get through this trial hopefully become a stronger more compassionate person.
I love listening to different conference talks over the past few days. Elder Hollands talk "Lessons from Liberty Jail" was an exceptional talk and very uplifting.
Time to move on. Time to forget myself and think of those around me. At this point there is nothing we can do to change our situation, so its time to move forward with love and faith in our Saviour.
